Soccer Mom Predicts Weather

April is the cruelest month.  Sure, we have days like today, where the air is warm, the humidity's low, and there's a gentle breeze making the curtains breathe in and out and the bamboo wind chimes clunk softly.  It could snow tonight though.  Tomorrow, the pansies could be poking their faces through an inch of white.  Or worse -- it could be miserably cold and damp and grey and windy.  I've had children in middle school soccer for seven years, and so for seven years I've had to endure the horror that is spring in Indiana.  Sitting outside on those bleachers I'm always surprised (Why?  After seven years?) that I'm still wearing  my down parka and long underwear.  Last year I broke down and bought a serious chest of drawers for the entrance hall, to house our collection of hats, gloves, scarves, mittens, and earbands.  Shoot, we wear those things until Independence Day.  I have three fleece blankets -- one for the current soccer player to wrap up in when sitting the bench, and the other two for myself, which I keep in the car, because there will be gale-force winds and the aluminum bleachers will be colder than hell frozen over.

I have been known to spend a half-hour putting on layers for the game only to waddle out of the car and enter the stadium amid half-naked coconut-flavored bathing beauties who look at me like I need to get out of the computer chair more often.  Today's not one of those days.  This time I checked before I planned my soccer mom wardrobe.  I already know that today I will need a cap with a visor, suntan lotion, and a sleeveless top (so as not to get an Indiana farmer tan) for my spectating.  But I'll bring a sweater, coat, and blanket, because second half will most likely feel like another agricultural zone.